Is Your Child a Perfectionist? The Hidden Downsides of Wanting to Get Everything Right

If your child crumples their paper and starts over because their handwriting isn’t “perfect,” or if they freeze up at the thought of making a mistake, you might be dealing with a little perfectionist. And while it’s great that they care about doing well, perfectionism isn’t the same as hard work or ambition. It can make kids afraid to try, stressed over small details, and way too hard on themselves.

As parents, it’s tough to see this, especially when all you want is for your child to do their best and feel proud of themselves. So, how do you help them ease up and enjoy learning without the constant pressure?

How to Spot Perfectionism in Kids

It’s not always obvious, but here are some common signs:

• They avoid trying new things unless they’re sure they’ll be good at them.

• They erase and redo work multiple times, even when it looks fine.

• A single mistake ruins their whole mood.

• They take forever on assignments, trying to make everything just right.

• They get anxious before tests, even if they’re well-prepared.

• They constantly ask, “Is this good enough?”

  

  
  

At first, it might seem like they’re just putting in extra effort. But when kids believe that anything less than perfect is a failure, they end up holding themselves back rather than pushing themselves forward.

Why Perfectionism Can Be a Problem:

1. It makes learning stressful instead of fun. If your child is focused on never making a mistake, they’re missing out on the joy of exploring, experimenting, and growing.

2. They avoid challenges. Instead of saying, “I’ll give it a try,” a perfectionist child often thinks, “What if I fail?” and then chooses not to try at all.

3. It leads to frustration and burnout. When nothing ever feels "good enough," even their successes don’t feel satisfying. They’re constantly pushing themselves but never feeling like they’ve arrived.

   

   
   

How to Help Your Child Let Go of Perfectionism:

1. Praise the Process, Not Just the Outcome

Instead of saying, “You got an A! You’re so smart!”, try: “I saw how hard you worked on this, I’m really proud of your effort.” This helps them value hard work over just results.

2. Show Them That Mistakes Are Normal

Talk openly about mistakes, even your own. If you mess up while cooking dinner, say something like, “Oops! I added too much salt. No big deal, I’ll fix it.” When they see that mistakes aren’t the end of the world, they’ll start feeling less afraid of making their own.

3. Set ‘Good Enough’ Limits

If they’re spending too much time on homework because they keep redoing things, help them set a stopping point. Say, “Let’s aim for 30 minutes on this assignment, and then we’ll call it done.” Teaching them to move on, even when things aren’t perfect, is an important skill.

4. Encourage a Growth Mindset

Help them shift from “I’m just not good at this” to “I’m still learning this.” Remind them that no one is instantly great at everything, it takes practice, patience, and effort.

5. Make Room for Play and Relaxation

Perfectionist kids sometimes feel like they have to be productive all the time. Encourage hobbies where there’s no pressure like doodling, free play, or just lying in the grass looking at clouds. Show them that life isn’t just about getting things right, it’s also about enjoying the moment.

As parents, we all want our kids to strive for success, but not at the cost of their happiness. The goal isn’t to make them stop caring, it’s to help them understand that mistakes are part of learning, and doing their best doesn’t have to mean being perfect. Because real confidence doesn’t come from always getting things right, it comes from knowing that they’re capable, no matter what.