My Child is Hitting or Hurting Others: What Can I Do?

As parents, watching our children hit, kick, or otherwise hurt others can be an incredibly painful experience. It’s unsettling, and the mix of confusion, frustration, and even guilt can leave you unsure of how to react. However, it’s important to understand that children often act out physically when they feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or lack the tools to express their emotions in healthier ways.

Why Children Hit:

• Emotional overwhelm: Kids, especially younger ones, often don’t have the emotional vocabulary or maturity to articulate their feelings. When they get upset, they may resort to physical actions like hitting because they can’t express what they’re feeling.

• Attention-seeking: Sometimes, a child might hit simply because they know it will get them attention—whether it’s positive or negative. Negative attention can still feel like a win if they’re craving some form of connection.

• Lack of boundaries or modeling: Children learn by example. If they see aggressive behavior modeled at home, on TV, or in their environment, they may mimic it. They’re not necessarily being “bad,” but are learning what they’ve observed.

  
  

What to Do:

• Stay calm and composed: While it may be difficult, maintaining your own calmness is key. Yelling or getting angry can escalate the situation, making it harder for your child to understand the consequences of their actions.

• Acknowledge their emotions: Before jumping into discipline, take a moment to validate their feelings. For example, “I see that you’re upset because he took your toy, but it’s not okay to hit.” This helps them feel understood while also teaching them right from wrong.

• Model appropriate behavior: Children learn best by example. Instead of focusing solely on the behavior you don’t want, show them how to react to frustrations in a healthier way. “When I’m upset, I take a deep breath or use my words to say how I feel.”

• Teach conflict resolution: Use role-playing or storytelling to show how to resolve conflicts without hitting. For example, “If someone takes your toy, you can ask them for it back, or if they’re not listening, you can come to me for help.”

  
  

Remember, physical aggression is a common developmental phase. With patience, teaching, and a lot of understanding, your child will learn to handle frustration in more constructive ways.