When Your Child Doesn’t Listen Until You Shout

It’s an all-too-familiar scenario: you calmly ask your child to do something—whether it’s picking up their toys or putting away their shoes. But instead of responding, they continue on their merry way, oblivious to your gentle requests. The more you ask, the more they ignore you, until finally, your patience runs out. You raise your voice and, suddenly, they’re paying attention. It’s frustrating, it’s draining, and it can leave you feeling defeated. So, why does this happen, and more importantly, what can you do about it?

Understanding Why It Happens:

• Familiarity breeds complacency: If your child has learned that your calm, steady requests can be ignored without consequences, they may not feel the urgency to act when asked. The constant pattern of you asking, and them ignoring, can make them tune out your voice altogether.

• The power of volume: Sometimes, when a parent raises their voice, it immediately grabs their child’s attention. It creates a sense of urgency that the calmer requests don’t. Kids often respond to loudness because it signifies something is important.

• Routine fatigue: Children thrive on routines, but if they are continually asked to do things in the same way, they may resist simply because they want a break from the monotony. It’s a subtle rebellion that seeks attention and engagement.

  
  

How to Stop the Cycle:

• Try a quieter approach: It sounds counterintuitive, but sometimes speaking softer can actually demand more attention. Whispering or speaking in a lower tone can spark curiosity, making your child more likely to listen.

• Use eye contact: When you’re giving instructions, ensure you have their attention first. Call their name, wait for eye contact, and then speak. This simple technique creates a connection and reminds them that they’re being spoken to directly.

• Create a “one-time” rule: Let them know that when you ask something once, they need to respond. Don’t repeat yourself or nag—this reinforces the idea that listening the first time is important.

• Teach self-awareness: Start by explaining to your child why it’s essential to listen and follow through. Share that repeating yourself makes it harder for them to focus on other important things.

  
  

It’s important to remember that this isn’t a battle to win by force, but rather a long-term habit you’re cultivating. With patience, consistent gentle reminders, and new strategies, your child can learn to listen the first time.